Like everybody else, I also have memories of my parents fighting or arguing when we were small. I still remember small instances when it was not a very good feeling to see them even arguing in front of me and my siblings. Although it used to be just an argument over something where they both disagreed. Now as a parent myself, I decided not to have more than a verbal disagreement in front of the kids. Its easier said than done and we do argue sometimes over some things without realising that kids are around.
I feel there are a wrong way and a right way of fighting. How? Let me explain.
Wrong way – When you fight with your partner and use all kinds of foul language or say things which are not meant to be said in front of kids at all. Also when it gets physical from verbal is wrong too.
Right way – Just an argument over some issue or discussion about something where you both do not agree with each other’s POV. (No shouting, no screaming, and not getting into nasty fight).
Now you must be wondering why I called the second one a right way of fighting as a fight is a fight. Right? Let me explain further.
Right way –
I feel we are a generation of overprotective parents. We are already trying to protect our kids from everything happening around that they are becoming vulnerable. Experts say not to argue in front of kids but I believe its ok until it’s just an argument and nothing more than that. It’s important that you resolve the issue in front of them too.
So, why it’s ok to have small arguments in front of kids –
- It’s ok because it shows them that there can be disagreements in a family.
- It’s ok to voice your opinion about something you don’t like.
- It also teaches them that life has ups and downs and it’s not always rosy.
- It can show/teach them how to resolve an issue by discussing and resolving and coming to an agreement.
Wrong way –
Now let me tell you what’s not okay. If a fight goes beyond a level of something which can harm or affect your child psychologically, it’s not ok at all.
- Hurtful comments and behaviours when kids are around are not right.
- It can cause a lot of anxiety in kids.
- It can be traumatic for the kids even when they grow up.
- Yelling, blaming and showing disrespect can affect them emotionally.
- Constant fights in front of them can lead to them believing that it is the only way to resolve issues as grownups.
Damage control –
You should talk to your kids if you see they are upset or behaving differently after your fight or disagreement over something.
A few days back after my husband and I had an argument over something and our daughters told us that they don’t like it. I told them that they both fight a lot and we also don’t like it. So, in the same way, mom and dad also can have disagreements over some things at times and it’s Ok.
Explain to them the reasons for disagreement later if you feel they are feeling bad about your fight. Try to control your emotions in future when there are kids around and talk to your partner later about it too.
All adults have disagreements but remember not to raise your voice in front of the kids. Show them that an issue can be resolved by just discussing and other ways than fighting. Occasionally when you are either tired or stressed, its Ok.
Remember its ok to disagree but it’s not ok to show disrespect in front of the kids.
These were my views on this topic. Now it’s over to you. Do share your thoughts.
January 15, 2018 at 11:27 am
This is an extremely relevant article and I really wish all young parents read this.
January 15, 2018 at 2:22 pm
A very big and strict NO NO when it comes to this topic. A child is delicate and such things should never happen in front of the kids..
January 15, 2018 at 5:08 pm
I agree that a child can be scarred by such memories if the parents act immaturely and fight before them.
January 15, 2018 at 9:12 pm
Children do have memories of their parents figting. I also have. But while I grew up, I remember them as happy parents only. We should keep our voices under control in front of kids so that they have understand the situation with time.
January 15, 2018 at 10:19 pm
this is such an important issue and we as a parent need to learn who to handle our disagreements in front of our kids. will share my thoughts very soon in blog post.
January 15, 2018 at 11:11 pm
I like that you too feel children should learn to resolve conflict the right way .Enjoyed your tips.Great post.
January 16, 2018 at 12:57 am
Totally appreciate the way you explain so well the modest solution to deal issues in front of children. Agree that things can be sorted in mannered way.
January 16, 2018 at 3:44 am
I agree on right and wrong kind if arguments and definitely agree that if you share your point of view without shouting or screaming it shows kids that in life you can speak up and give suggestions which may differ from the world and that is OK.
Great write up
January 16, 2018 at 1:23 pm
The wrong way can have huge repercussions on the psyche of a child.
January 17, 2018 at 6:40 am
well my son is only two and doesn’t like even a small disagreement between me and my husband no matter how small the debate is he makes sure he shows his dislike …and trying not to argue infront is difficult but we still try but yes as he grows up he would understand that people have disagreements the way you made your daughter understand
January 18, 2018 at 9:03 pm
I agree with you. These things need to be taken care of because children learn from what they see
January 19, 2018 at 12:41 am
You have dealt with the topic so well. True, there is a difference between disagreement and disrespect!
January 19, 2018 at 9:56 am
So agree with you. If we keep our language under check, I feel it’s okay to show disagreement with your partner even in front of the kids. This is not at all harmful.
January 19, 2018 at 1:45 pm
I so agree to the pointer that keeping your point of view and issues and then resolving matters in an amicable manner is something which is going to help in the long run
January 21, 2018 at 12:08 pm
This is definitely some solid advice. Often we let the emotions take over in an argument, the key is to be calm and stay your ground when in front of your kids.
January 21, 2018 at 9:54 pm
Some logical points there, Deepa. I liked the part where you said to your girls that parents can have disagreements too. It is important for kids to understand how to deal with such situations in life.
January 22, 2018 at 11:14 am
Very important post. Often parents end up in a nasty fight infront of kids and then there are parents, who completely hide the truth infront of their kids, posing a happily ever after scene. We must know where to draw the line. My hubby and I argue infront of our kids (healthy fight) and then resolve too, hoping that the kids understand that there’s always a way out. If there are happy time, there are not so happy times too, but hey that won’t last forever.