Like everybody else, I also have memories of my parents fighting or arguing when we were small. I still remember small instances when it was not a very good feeling to see them even arguing in front of me and my siblings. Although it used to be just an argument over something where they both disagreed. Now as a parent myself, I decided not to have more than a verbal disagreement in front of the kids. Its easier said than done and we do argue sometimes over some things without realising that kids are around.
I feel there are a wrong way and a right way of fighting. How? Let me explain.
Wrong way – When you fight with your partner and use all kinds of foul language or say things which are not meant to be said in front of kids at all. Also when it gets physical from verbal is wrong too.
Right way – Just an argument over some issue or discussion about something where you both do not agree with each other’s POV. (No shouting, no screaming, and not getting into nasty fight).
Now you must be wondering why I called the second one a right way of fighting as a fight is a fight. Right? Let me explain further.
Right way –
I feel we are a generation of overprotective parents. We are already trying to protect our kids from everything happening around that they are becoming vulnerable. Experts say not to argue in front of kids but I believe its ok until it’s just an argument and nothing more than that. It’s important that you resolve the issue in front of them too.
So, why it’s ok to have small arguments in front of kids –
- It’s ok because it shows them that there can be disagreements in a family.
- It’s ok to voice your opinion about something you don’t like.
- It also teaches them that life has ups and downs and it’s not always rosy.
- It can show/teach them how to resolve an issue by discussing and resolving and coming to an agreement.
Wrong way –
Now let me tell you what’s not okay. If a fight goes beyond a level of something which can harm or affect your child psychologically, it’s not ok at all.
- Hurtful comments and behaviours when kids are around are not right.
- It can cause a lot of anxiety in kids.
- It can be traumatic for the kids even when they grow up.
- Yelling, blaming and showing disrespect can affect them emotionally.
- Constant fights in front of them can lead to them believing that it is the only way to resolve issues as grownups.
Damage control –
You should talk to your kids if you see they are upset or behaving differently after your fight or disagreement over something.
A few days back after my husband and I had an argument over something and our daughters told us that they don’t like it. I told them that they both fight a lot and we also don’t like it. So, in the same way, mom and dad also can have disagreements over some things at times and it’s Ok.
Explain to them the reasons for disagreement later if you feel they are feeling bad about your fight. Try to control your emotions in future when there are kids around and talk to your partner later about it too.
All adults have disagreements but remember not to raise your voice in front of the kids. Show them that an issue can be resolved by just discussing and other ways than fighting. Occasionally when you are either tired or stressed, its Ok.
Remember its ok to disagree but it’s not ok to show disrespect in front of the kids.
These were my views on this topic. Now it’s over to you. Do share your thoughts.