I guess we are all guilty of the fact that we have yelled or shouted at our children at some point in our lives or it may even be a routine for some of us. We resort to yelling or nagging when our simple techniques fail.

This seems to be the only possible solution and with a sure shot success rate. However, a “Command and Control” attitude may work at the moment but will never be the long-term solution of the child’s behavior. Yelling doesn’t really help them focus on what you want them to do.

More often than not children misbehave if they do not get age-appropriate attention in positive ways.

Measures to avoid yelling-

Set limits or boundaries

(Example: You can play till 7 pm). If a limit really upsets them we can try to negotiate a bit but not too much.  In the example above: They should know that you will extend playtime to 7:15 but not beyond.

Try talking to your child about his/her feelings –

It’s important to talk regarding a particular issue and validating them if possible (Example: “I understand that you want to play more with your friends.”)

Ask questions to invite co-operation

(Example: Do you need 2 minutes or 5 minutes more? ). Try and give options in a clever way. Make them feel that they are making choices and not being dictated by someone)

Always remember ”Yelling grows children’s defenses while clever language grows their co-operation”.

Make eye contact

Make eye contact with them before making a request. Children are much more likely to follow through with a request when it is done face to face, even better at their eye level.  This is a very safe way to talk to the kids and also make a request in a connected manner. What’s more, when you speak kindly you are modeling a wonderful way for your child to interact with classmates, siblings, teachers, and friends.

I would like to end the article with this wonderful quote and hopefully a food for thought for all:

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children DO BETTER, first, we have to make them FEEL WORSE?”-Jane Nelson.

Also, read – Is it ok to fight in front of the kids?


.About the author-  

This article is written by Stuti Mehrotra. She is a passionate educationist who has a rich experience of working with kids. She has been a teacher, trainer and an educator before being an entrepreneur and running her own preschool called Linden Montessori in Bengaluru.

She highly believes in the Montessori Philosophy of believing greatly in children and allowing them to make their own choices and take certain risks within limits to help them in achieving their real potential as being over-protective with children makes them lose out on a number of learning opportunities.