Affection- A feeling of love, care, and fondness. I am writing my first post about affection between a child and a parent.
My theme for #AtoZ challenge is ‘MY LEARNINGS FROM PARENTING’. I am going to share with you all my thoughts and views as a mom from my personal experiences. I hope to help other moms and also learn from them through this challenge.
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We are all trying to be best parents to our kids but are not sure of many things ourselves.
All parents are good, all parents want best for their child, right? Then, where do they go wrong?
My elder one who is a teenager now was a very affectionate child from the starting. But, she doesn’t like too much display of affection. On the other hand, my younger one loves to give me a hug and loves cuddling like a baby.
Now the question is why are they different? I don’t know but all I know is they both love us but their way of showing affection is different.
How much affection is okay? Is it okay to shower affection and attention on kids all the time?
There are many such questions and when I look around, I find different answers. I am sharing with you all my point of view as a parent and as a teacher who has dealt with many different types of parents.
- It is not good to smother your kid with a lot of affection and attention all the time. Give him some space and let him learn certain things himself.
- Too much affection can make them weak. I feel a child should experience both, good and bad. Let him experience different shades of life and be prepared for anything in life.
- Emotional independence is important. Being over protective as mothers can make our kids more attached to and clingy to us.
I know, it’s easier said than done, but I also learnt this with time and with experience. My younger one got hurt many times as a baby as she was a very restless child. And they were all major hurts like she got stitches in her fingers when she was just one year old. When she was almost two and a half, she got hurt from a swing and got stitches on her head.
I became an overprotective mom because of all this and didn’t realise it until recently when I saw a difference between her and my elder one.
I immediately decided to step back and let her become emotionally independent.
As they say, “Letting go doesn’t mean, you don’t love them.” Sometimes it’s important to take a step back and set them free.
Do you have any such stories to share? Waiting to hear from you.
April 1, 2017 at 8:30 am
You are right about space. children and adults both need this important thing. I’m sure your message will hit home with considerate parents.
April 1, 2017 at 8:36 am
Thanks Parul 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 8:37 am
Parenting is something every parent ‘learns on the job’ and never stops improvising on. Your theme should help a lot of parent readers, Deepa as the second guessing while taking decisions for the child never stops.
April 1, 2017 at 9:04 am
Agree..Thanks Mayuri 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 8:40 am
Your parenting style echoes with mine. As parent it’s as important to be observers as participants in their upbringing. That thin line is the tricky part and your post captures that well.
Happy Blogging Deepa.
April 1, 2017 at 9:05 am
Thanks Chandni 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 12:59 pm
These really are valuable lessons. We tend to go to the other extreme at times while trying to avoid a certain trait. Too much love and pampering has definitely been detrimental in some people I have watched grow up.
April 1, 2017 at 6:22 pm
Thanks a lot Roshan for stopping by 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 1:21 pm
You are so right. I will definitely learn from your posts. 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 6:23 pm
Thank you 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 1:37 pm
Very nicely penned ?
April 1, 2017 at 6:23 pm
Thank you 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 2:52 pm
I agree to your thoughts on parenting here. A child needs enough space for healthy growing. Smothering him with attention all the time gets too suffocating for him. I’m writing letters to my teenage son for this year’s challenge. I’m sure they would interest you.
April 1, 2017 at 6:24 pm
Thanks Vinodini..will surely read the letters. 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 4:10 pm
So True, Have seen parents running in to swoop the kid, the moment a child’s knee touches the ground! I shudder to think how such kids will face the fierce competition that’s outside their parent’s cocoon
April 1, 2017 at 6:25 pm
Yes Neha..It is important to leave them and learn some lessons on their own. Thanks for reading 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 4:16 pm
I too believe we need to make children able to learn survival skills.Good bad and ugly .All life lessons need to be learnt. A sensible mommy is the best teacher .Love the wisdom
April 1, 2017 at 6:25 pm
Thanks Amrita 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 5:00 pm
Right now me and Bluey are in a stage where we smother each other with everything. He wakes up and snuggles to me, comes and hugs me and also scowls a me for not letting him play on the ipad. I guess as we grow together things will fall into place.. Great start Deepa
April 1, 2017 at 6:27 pm
At his age its ok as he is still small. Thanks Tina 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 6:02 pm
these are wonderful lessons for a parent Deepa. Thank you for being honest and sharing these 😀
April 1, 2017 at 6:28 pm
Thanks raj..glad you liked them 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 7:00 pm
We’re constantly learning on this path called parenting. It’s never easy and it never stops. As for how much affection is too much, it depends on the child, I guess 🙂 Some of them thrive on their daily hugs and smothering kisses like my daughter. Yet, I still step back and let her be. Balance is key.
April 1, 2017 at 8:43 pm
Yes Shailaja. Balance is the key for everything in parenting. Thanks for stopping by. Good to see you here 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 8:02 pm
Love this post, Deepa. Not a mother myself, but I do know I can still get pretty affectionate with my loved ones sometimes. Like I just want a random cuddle here and there (or someone to pet my head, lol).
But it`s true. Too much affection can foster uncertainty in kids, which can become detrimental if they grow up unsure of their abilities.
April 1, 2017 at 8:44 pm
Thanks Marna for reading..glad you liked it 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 8:54 pm
Despite the trial, tribulations and surprises that define parenting, it’s joy lies in the fact that parents are learning and relearning the lessons at the same pace as their children. I agree, giving space to our children is the key to help them figure out what they really want and grow up as clear-minded individuals.
I’m tuned in to your parenting posts all April.
Good Luck, Deepa!
April 1, 2017 at 9:43 pm
Thanks a lot ..I am looking forward to having you here. 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 10:20 pm
Parenting may not easy but it’s teaching us daily new wonders and yes affection is one thing which really make bond stronger
April 1, 2017 at 10:26 pm
Thanks ruchi 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 1:36 am
I agree with all of your tips/ thoughts!
I’m gonna stay glued to your blog the next 25 days!
April 2, 2017 at 10:27 am
Thank you Zainab 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 3:12 am
An interesting post – finding a balance is so difficult! And affection could be detrimental – that’s insightful.
Good Luck with your AtoZ.
April 2, 2017 at 10:28 am
Thanks for reading 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 7:21 am
Learning from parenting experiences is such a fun and challenging thing. I am writing about raising boys for this year’s challenge, and I have had my fair share of learning moments. Great post, thank you for sharing.
April 2, 2017 at 10:29 am
It will be fun to read about your boys. Thanks for stopping by 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 8:44 am
It is so hard to find that balance but so important to let children find their own way and make their own mistakes. I can’t say that I’ve always been successful, but that’s okay too.
April 2, 2017 at 10:30 am
Thank you for reading 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 9:58 am
You are right about giving space. Not that I know about parenting but as a child, I have experienced what it is to get too much affection and what it will be like to get our own space, learn things on our own.. it does make one stronger.
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April 2, 2017 at 10:30 am
Thank you Swathi 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 10:11 am
You are right about too much affection. This all is so confusing, even I have 18 months old baby girl who would some days just want to sit in my lap the entire day. Loved your blog, looking forward to get some mommy education this month from you!
April 2, 2017 at 10:31 am
Thanks a lot Radhika for reading ..glad you liked it. 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 1:58 pm
I absolutely agree to this. Thou not a parent, aunt to 2 nephews and a niece. And I could literally see their change in behavior when affection is too much or too less.
April 2, 2017 at 2:03 pm
Thank you 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 4:44 pm
Space is important in any relationship. You’ve given some fabulous points here. I hope parents get benefited from this.
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April 2, 2017 at 7:01 pm
Thanks Shalini 🙂
April 2, 2017 at 9:23 pm
Real OVERprotectiveness isn’t affection or love, though, is it? I don’t know that I agree with the notion that it’s possible to love or show too much affection to a child. But that also means letting go – not hanging on or smothering them. Love is letting them learn to try their wings so they can fly off to independence, one day. It may break your heart a little bit, but it will also make you proud. Love is always having a home where you know there are people who’ve got your back.
April 2, 2017 at 9:32 pm
Thanks Holly for stopping by 🙂
April 3, 2017 at 5:24 pm
Fabulous yaar, what amazing insight on love and parenting…just love readign your blogs Deepa!!!
April 3, 2017 at 5:46 pm
Hey thanks richa for the kind words. 🙂
April 4, 2017 at 6:12 pm
I agree. Emotional independence is importance. We have to allow them to understand emotions basically. Great beginning, Deepa.
April 4, 2017 at 7:00 pm
Thanks preethi 🙂
April 4, 2017 at 11:19 pm
Letting go is perhaps the toughest part of parenting. Worrying about our kids, doing things for them, reaching out to help them – all of that comes naturally to mums. Letting them be is hard a necessary part of decent parenting.
April 4, 2017 at 11:27 pm
I know Tulika ..Its not easy but its best for them. Thanks for reading. 🙂
April 15, 2017 at 11:14 am
I have had two kids and each one very different. My elder one was the centre of attraction as she was the first child, so she had enough of affection from parents, grandmother, aunt and uncle; when my son arrived with special needs it became a tough job for me to balance, even though I loved both of them, my daughter always felt I loved my son more… It is challenging to make a child understand… I did all that I could to be the best mother.
This has made my daughter create space for herself and to become independent which I am happy about, I have allowed by daughter to evolve hoping one day she will understand why her brother was given more time… thank you for bringing some lovely memories of my life:)
April 15, 2017 at 3:16 pm
Balanced parenting is so difficult and we can just hope that our kids understand us when they grow up. I am sure she will understand and you are doing a great job as a mom. Thanks a lot for stopping by and sharing your thoughts Angela 🙂
April 18, 2017 at 11:45 pm
Very interesting insights. I’m not a mom yet, but I do agree with your points.
It is also very common with parents to shower more love and attention to the younger child, and thats why the elder one is always reluctant to accept the new addition to the family. The analogy is similar with pets as well. I don’t understand why the younger one gets more attention though. I remember my younger brother growing up getting it so much..and then he would hurt himself in one way or another and the same cycle would repeat. Not that I don’t love him. But it is something which exists..the elder one being less of a PDA person, while the younger one is a pro in PDA.
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April 19, 2017 at 12:15 am
I am a younger one and I agree with you. Thanks Pikashi for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. 🙂
September 11, 2017 at 1:55 pm
This is absolutely an insightful post. I am not a parent yet but I know what this means on a deeper level from the bond my parents and I, have. Lovely post, Deepa 🙂 Keep writing.